Grapevine cafe and gallery (Donaldsonville, LA)

Drive through the little town of Donaldsonville, see the historic buildings, the local people, the bayous and wildlife, and you will quickly realize that you want to get out of there. This place is in the middle of nowhere.

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The Grapevine Cafe and Gallery is on a block that looks like the downtown area of a small town…no really it’s one block, and I think that one block is all of downtown. Weird right? Well when you walk into this place you are smacked in the face with all kinds of fanciness. there is art and shit all over the walls..from real artists….it’s like eating in the fucking Louvre. There was this angry red bird starring at me the whole time. He was legit. I named him Frank (after eating I read the description beside Frank and found out the name of the painting was “red bird”…creative)

On August 27th at 7:40pm I gave the server my drink order.
August 27th at 7:45pm I received my drink.
December 13th at 2:23am the server finally came to take our order.
I was so pumped. I knew what I wanted. I got the crabmeat stuffed portobella mushroom…but it doesn’t stop there….THEY put grilled shrimp right there..on the top of that bitch.

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It’s like. some mushroom was just chillin’ out in the forrest being some awesome ass stool for some faries and shit. then BOOM someone grabs him up and takes him to the kitchen, then later halfway around the world Mr. Krabs gets scooped up with his homies the shrimp. Then Krabs, the shrimp, and Mr. Mushroom all get to meet briefly right before they are all murdered and put on my plate. This shit is crazy good. like afterwards I wanted to make it a sandwich..but that would have been weird because it was in my stomach…and food doesn’t usually tend to have a use for more food.

RATING!

27 stars. awesome food. bad ass art. classy as fuck. but took two seasons of friends to finally get my server to take my order.

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Deangelo’s Pizza

Deangelo’s Pizza…or should I say “Island hop The” which is what I was looking for as suggested by my GPS. I found the address, it turns out Island Hop The is now a pizza place. didn’t stop me. I was just hungry

first thing you will notice is this place looks like a hole in the wall. surrounded by…well, i’m not even sure….I was hungry.

walk inside and BAM class in yo’ face. little tables bottles of wine. fancy as fuck.

We, my coworker and I, ordered an Alfredo pizza with chicken, spinach (healthy as a hippo), mozzarella (which you have to say like a fat old Italian guy I guess)….Mootsarel-la…or something. and tomatoes…like big ass tomato sizes……and they’re cold…EVEN THOUGH THE PIZZA WAS HOT…weird right? but it was good.

The pizza took a while to come out…which is how you know it’s the freshest thing on the planet. but while you wait you and your girl get to sit in this dimly lit place and get wooed by some Frank Sinatra…classy as fuck. While Mr. Sinatra is singing away…you can plan out your next move. look into that girls eyes or some shit.

Just when shit gets good. BAM…it’s pizza time. look at that crust! muthafuckin’ then..bubbly….just the right amount of crispyness. that’s some damn fine lookin’ crust. but wait..there’s toppings on that bitch too. cheese, alfredo, chicken, spinach (remember this shit is healthy), and a mothafuckin’ whole ass tomato slice right on top….I don’t know how this tomato guy got out of being burnt to death in the oven but this bitch is cold.

Serve your lady her slice first. she’ll think your a gentleman and you can give her a sub-par slice. then grab the best slice for yourself. take that bitch (the pizza not yo’ girl) and take a bit. DELICIOUS. gold dust and and unicorn farts and whatever in your mouth. so good. at this point your girl will be in mouth heaven…can’t stop now. eventually you will want to get this girl out of there and have a little fun of your own. this pizza is the key to that gate. she will be so ready after eating this heavenly pie, before you leave, get some wine…both of you can drink way too much…get a cab…. go back to your place…do what you do….fall asleep, wake up the next morning hung over, cook that girl some breakfast and make her coffee (because you’re nice like that)…offer to drive her home, she’ll turn you down and get her big brother (the ex marine) to come and get her….see him as he drives off and pee yourself a little. a few weeks go by, you diminish your left over pizza. find out she’s pregnant. argue about what to do about it. she decides to keep it. you get stuck paying child support. NEVER get to see or have a relationship with your kid. a few years go by. you started to hit the gym, you’re looking buff, check yourself out in the mirror at the gym a little too much. find out the kid isn’t even yours but is that douchebag Steve’s. meet a fine ass lady at the gym. tell her you know a classy as fuck pizza place in a little ass town in Louisiana. Order this awesome spinach, cheese, chicken, alfredo deliciousness….get drunk…take her home…..wear a condom.

rate this bitch!

28 stars. very good pizza. well worth the years of child support even though the kid isn’t yours. I’m sure that next chick is way hotter…you met her at the gym after all.